Tags
Ghastly Affair, gothic game, Gothic Gaming, Gothic Horror, Gothick, nineteenth century, role-playing game, Romantic Horror
Its no secret that Ghastly Affair is the biggest game in the world right now. Frankly, I feel bad for everyone else, who can only stand by in awe as Ghastly Affair continues to consume the entirety of the RPG market. Anyway, the following official rules changes must be implemented immediately by all Presenters. I’ll know if you don’t!
- All Vampyre characters must speak with a Transylvanian accent. A model for the proper pronunciation can be found here.
- All characters now have a characteristic called “Manliness”, rated from 0 to 20. It provides an equivalent Bonus to all Ability Checks and weapon damage. Obviously, chick characters can only have a 0 “Manliness”, unless they’re, like, completely weird or something.
- High Ability scores can now be purchased from the Presenter. For real money. 1 dollar per point above 9.
- Werewolves must be taken for walks by a responsible person. And given chin scratchies when they are good.
- All Hit Dice are now changed to d1000. And all weapon damage as well. Don’t forget to add your “Manliness” bonus!
- All characters must now determine the circumference of all orifices, and note this information on their character sheet. This is IMPORTANT! HOW CAN THERE BE A CREDIBLE GAME WITHOUT EVERYONE KNOWING THE EXACT SIZE OF THEIR ORIFICES? I’M WAITING!
- All characters now bleed confetti, and all buried skeletons are actually made of candy. Yummy candy.
- Your PC is now dead. Roll another.
The Engine of Oracles 
Finally, an update that truly elevates Ghastly Affair and brings it in line with the other contenders in this era of gaming enlightenment!
I wish I knew for sure who made it! As I explain in today’s post, I have no memory of yesterday’s events, past the discovery of my grandfather’s hidden laboratory. Perhaps the vile man seen near my dwelling yesterday also surreptitiously entered here, and employed my own computer to work some mischief!
“All Vampyre characters must speak with a Transylvanian accent. A model for the proper pronunciation can be found here.”
Or, as they say in my homeland, a Hollywood pseudo-Russian accent.
I think everybody tends to get everybody else’s accents wrong in their popular entertainment. That’s true even among people who supposedly share the same language. American movies and TV are infamous for using the same middle-class London accent for all English people, and I’ve heard some truly bizarre “American” accents on British TV shows.
What people need is a stone age movie with cavemen speaking in flawless RP.
Indeed! Just like the Romans apparently did (if American movies are to be believed).
I remember the Soviet “epic films” about the Second World War, when English and American characters are played by Russian-speaking actors – sometimes it is heard that this is clearly not their language of everyday communication. Add to the fact that we are trained in the Cambridge Option – most poorly represent the difference between the English and American versions. And surely few people will tell about the differences between the talk of Londoners and farmers in Texas.
By the way – we aren’t offended – we find it funny how Hollywood actors try to portray the Russians.